Why I'm staying home

 

Things were not great over the last I don't know ten or so days from when I actually wrote this which was why I was pretty quiet in most of the usual spaces which sometimes invites speculation, sometimes consternation and sadly reverse planned things.

Given I've lived with this for an exceedingly long time being like this is not something I feel I really need apologize for although I would for missing an event that involved others and life is not just a matter of take your tablets and it'll be fine.

Even afterwards it can take days to recover not least dealing with chunks of memory being missing.

To function well you need to know what you know AND know what you don't know and for a good few days I don't so all you get me staring out to space.

It's bad enough normally being unaware people have moved on with no idea where leaving you on your own.

That's why I have needed to rest through this exceptionally bad instance of severe migraines, turn off the screens and work more on recuperation rather than hoping against hope for just clearing in a day and grabbing stuff to go take a break as much as one might of liked to.

It also isn't fair to expect people to be looking all the time around you if go to meet with people when you know you are very unwell rather than just becoming so with people. 

It wasn't part of their time away from whatever they normally do. 

We'll see how things pan out for later in the year.

Health and being little

Here's a small update while I'm by the chromebook dressed up before I make next weeks entry up and I think I know what I'm going to do for that for once!

Unfortunately I was going for a periodic rough spot healthwise so I'm rather short on both time and energy with this weekend devoted to recovery. 

Now this is coming after spending 2 days in to bed with the curtains drawn and flickering lights well away, to now resting with favourite music on at lowish setting as I start to recover bits of memory that got scrambled while I was unwell.

It's very likely if you saw a  girl in her grey pinafore dress getting through glasses of chilled milk straight from the fridge it would be me!

It seems crazy in a way but appears to me that rediscovering my inner little girl side is helping me medically recover apart from the psychological and emotional welfare benefits such as feeling more comfortable in myself.

More Study weekend

This week had a couple of totally unexpected problems that I've touched on at various sites so I don't particularly need repeat the details of what happened other than to say the combination of them plus damaging my neck accidentally had meant I haven't been feeling well over the last few days.

This weekend saw  me working on my English comprehension, working out from the text what is going on and how characters in a play or story feel by carefully reading the text looking not just what is said but how they use language to convey it.
I had to study extracts some were non fiction, others were plays and answer questions from it, quoting  to back the points I made which was fun cos if you know about something like photography and the extract is about it, you have to answer from that extract alone rather personal experience.
I also had a whole unit on Shakespeare and his plays-you can't escape him here in the Midlands-dealing with language, types of play, theatrical terms and questions on extracts to do.
I got 90% in my tests which super good for me.
Normally I'd also do the Math work but given how poorly I'd been with dizziness I was lucky to be given credit for this and excused while being expected to do as much as I can with the English because I was able to do some work and so am expected to now.
It's very different to how things were when I'd deke out of anything but the very strict, firm but fair approach that's being taken to me is helping  me take a more mature approach do dealing with my conditions. That has to be good for me.

Recovery

Monday's, eh?

That so me you know. 
These last few days have felt pretty awful as I had a migraine I couldn't shake off and I'm only just getting more up to speed and feeling brighter right now so I have to go to my room and rest a lot.
It's nothing new sadly, been  like this ever since I was small, missing a lot of my education with thing and another so I've been playing catch up in many areas of my life so actually being a middle/little makes things more bearable, like watching a favourite film time and again it's comforting.
Comforting can mean extended periods cuddling up to plushies, not worrying to much about anything that's going on in the 'big' world feeling loved as people look after you and so on so I sure don't enjoy my migraines, I don't frame them in as whole negative thing in my life cos in all that I experience good emotions and sometimes find I see situations clearer that I can use when I'm better.
Thanks to everyone at certain forums for your support.

Get set to go!

Another wet end to the week, probably going to have some chores to do this weekend as it's that time of the month so I'm writing this up in advance, ready to publish although this piece isn't the one I had I mind.

Followers -and there's 36 of them - of my Tumblr that's usually about stuff that doesn't really quite fit this blog like photo sets, will know I've been posting a bit around uniforms specifically Sailor Suits from South Korea and Japan and that one day I might just get one as I can see myself in my head wearing one.
One big difference with Tumblr is captions and photo's are often reblogged, following site trends with comments added directly in the post and recently within those I follow there's been a number around uniforms.
Now, I can't mention the 'U' word without touching on that one of kind school, GHS and it's upcoming activities as I most definitely will be in attendance although I might have to be really careful not to be put  in 'Corner Time'!   Us First Formers can be a wild bunch!!!
Not surprisingly then, for most of this week, I'll be sorting out what to take when it comes to clothes although I prefer to travel light, making sure I have things like my tickets and cellphone safe, packing away and mentally preparing myself.
It was reassuring to hear this week 'Matron' was going to look out for me as it will the first time I've been 'out' with such a lot of girls under one roof  including overnight although they're all people I know online and I've been with three before there.
Although this all kind of new to me and anything new easily leads to you feeling nervous, I am so looking forward to it.
Also on Sunday I will be putting up my HK Advent calendar.
As I'll be away that weekend I should point out the next post won't be until at least late Monday next onward as I'll need to rest and then write it.

Rabbit time.

Ha! Rabbit holes mean different things to different people I guess such as my part of Cheshire  has lots of them thanks to the Brine salt mining heritage that left us with that sinking feeling.
Alice this last week a friend of mine online had her Rabbit moment when a pet rabbit escaped so covered from head to toe in Alice attire, she goes to find it only to be seen by the mailman. He's not phazed by it!!!  I once had a pet rabbit with a long run too.
Alice has also been an inspiration for many a manga or anime too either as a whole theme or sole character.
I love this illustration a lot so while slowly recovering from a rotten illness I thought I'd share it with you while Beaconsfield fights it out  to mark (or not) the 75 years since Enid Blyton moved into that Buckinghamshire town.

It's a wrap!

Well, the first week of new improved life went pretty well from the ability just to do a bit a work and keep up with the lives of my work colleagues now the crazy world of paid work is over. I had a blast talking with and helping our clients out as I've so much more control over how much I take on.
I was able to spend some more time dealing with sorting out presents for people although as some of you will recall from last year with the current financial situation effecting us all, I have again parred down how much I'm spending as have those who'd usually treat me. I do sometimes wonder if we'd be better of giving more of ourselves all year round instead.
Arrangements have been made to get me to and help me throughout this years works Christmas lunch which usually involve a quiz and various presentations outside of the formal meal.
I also did some more reading last week and will be taking part in this years Winter readathon where we read a set book and discuss together which should be fun as we're tackling the first Secret Seven novel!
I've wrapped up all ready my stuff cos as I think we all know sometimes it can be hard to get folk to get you what it is you really would like for Christmas with people feeling a bit awkward and that, so to avoid that foot stamping angry protest from the Little Girl within, she's been the money to get what she would prefer with the help of her bigger side.
That makes a lot of sense really as Christmas is really important for children.

Joanne returns to school

Well I did leave a bit of a hint a few weeks back but I will be undertaking a bit of learning this term brushing up on my numeracy, penwomanship and English as for one thing I'm a litle rusty part from my dyslexia, dyspraxia and other learning disabilities I'm not too good at this stuff.Really I'm not.
I'll be doing some UK KS1/2 worksheets as appropriate to my needs each week sat at a desk suitably dressed which no doubt Jennifer would wholeheartedly approve off although sadly I won't have a Games Mistress. The rotters!!!   Playtime will happen though.
But that means I need some new tools as my tools well, there a bit old really dating from the last time I set foot in a classroom.

That's right Jennie, a circa 1977 Commodore 796M LED calculator that if you knew how you could spell words on it! I'll be getting a newer one with pink keys but in the mean time this laptop has one although I'll be only using that to check the answers with cos I really need to bring my mental arithmetic aka Math up to scratch.
Spelling as well as picking the best words for something in English isn't my strong point and you see, if your dyslexic like me, a spellchecker only gets you so far plus it often suggests world you weren't thinking of so I'm going to have to learn new words by rote and learn to use a dictionary from now on.

Well that's my old very battered one the girl immediately under the Head Girl at my boarding school gave me back in the day but apart from the seams going, English has gained quite a few new words over the years as well as some old words having newer, more current meanings that I don't understand.

Well Hello Kitty can help me learn as she's made this new version that's easier to follow and as well as having some tips on how to use words better which I'll be using.
Dyspraxia means in simple terms I have difficult making and co-ordinating small movements such as those you use to draw and critically write. It's a pain!
My handwriting  has never been good and for a period stopped completely following the industrial injury that further messed my life up (in some ways at least, in others it bought the inner kid to the fore).

I'll be following the exercises Hello Kitty uses to practise my letter drawing together with forming the shapes that make the top and bottom of letters which is something I'm really really bad at.
Sometimes even in this electronic age we need to write things and many people appreciate a hand written letter, postcard or birthday greetings card so being able to make a good job of it will be a help to me.

Of bites and bytes!

What a week eh?
As some of you will be aware I was badly bitten by gnats  and suffered a shock type reaction with deep red irritation, swelling and a temperature.
Transpired I had an infection so I've been put on a course of antibiotics which seem to be working although to date I still have a low level irritation that I hope will go by the end of the week.

On the other hand, I got the laptop that I'd been saving up a few months for as again most of you know my desktop computer is really quiet old and was struggling not so much with self contained programs but with running media rich websites through browsers, lacking short term RAM memory and a hard drive smaller than many peoples USB flashdrives! It also  - hurrah! - has built in Wireless so I can use it anywhere.
My first move was to remove Compaq's boring groan up background with Hello Kitty because this machine belongs to a little girl closely followed by setting up a few nicely set out Favourites with my sites minus some of the rubbish the old computer had acquired over the years.
I so hate having to sit in one tiny room to post away especially on warm days.
For the more computer minded it has 4GBs of RAM meaning when the antivirus is running, it doesn't stumble on the programs running and a big 500GB hard drive for music and photos.
Because it uses Windows 7 Home Edition for Europe it has a browser ballot so I elected to return to my old favourite Firefox as I find it easier to customize plus has some very good extensions and so for the curse of Adobe's lousy buggy Flash plugin hasn't stricken it which I'd rather do without ideally but a number of gaming and video streaming sites  do require it.
I bought a new multi machine license for my cd to digital music ripping program because it was nearly 4 years old (you can convert to practically any know file type by adding the relevant plug in) and the new program gets cover art which is ideal for players that have colour screens. Actually the multi upgrade license was cheaper than buying the program outright for one!
 The only thing I need to install is my all new image editing program from Serif Photoplus X5.
While I'm at it, I just changed my google account email for this site as I realized - my brain could be better - it was linked to an ISP that I'll soon be free from and in the new blogger interface this is much easier than it used to be.

Disability Ettiquette and me.

I've never made a post quite on this topic before in my life but as I'm pawley (tm) at the minute typing this with one paw before more rest I thought I would.
The way you treat a person with disabilities can leave those who are not themselves disabled  unsure, some in the disabled community disagree strongly and yes for LG people like me there are other usually unseen factors. Hardly surprising then some take the line of least resistance and say nothing and yet others are at the "Does he take sugar "stage talking straight to the nearest adult near the disabled person completely ignoring them.
A few general pointers:
Talk straight to the person not being afraid to ask how they are. The time to be talking to another is when it is clear the other person isn't understanding you.Offer to write a note of the any main points if it's something the person may need to do.
A person in a wheelchair is a wheelchair user. It's how they get about like you may use your legs and so aren't 'confined'  or 'bound' to it. The limitations in getting about happen generally through the actions of non-disabled people through the barriers they without thinking put up such as making it difficult to enter a building by putting in stairs or using very narrow aisle, not fitting loop hearing systems for the deaf or making prevision for a person to help those with limited sight and so on or even attitudinal ones like thinking nobody disabled comes so why bother considering their needs (maybe that's why they don't!)?
Of course disabled people aren't angels but as you're not, you already know that as they're just like you really!

How much to do for someone or what can I assume?
So-called health professionals, carers and disabled people argue all day about this but I'd sidestep the coffee at the conference chat and just ask if there's anything they'd like some help with (Don't say "Are you alright" cos most feel so uncomfortable about not been seen to cope that they'll say yes even when they do need help).
Assumptions? dangerous game between "Don't patronize me, I'm an adult" from a wheelchair user with an IQ around 100+ and those who for developmental reasons may look all of 50 but are very much like much younger children and as such are extremely vulnerable.
Personally I'd ask for things like ability carrying hot liquids, meals etc accepting a decline unless I know the person well enough not to leaving most other things to them but say for "this activity everybody will be reading or writing-is there anything with this you'd like some help with" because somethings like difficulty in reading aren't obvious and may be unrelated to a physical disability.

LG's and disability ettiquette.
This isn't something you'll find discussed at some 'respectable' conference as most of us who are involved around 'age play' communities have a better take on the link between chronological age and differing mind ages -that we have often two one 'adult' and one younger and oscillate between the two than most including the learned professionals.

My own take on it is it's reasonable to say when it comes to how to deal with illness or injury, the person is feeling it at their child like age and for a few possibly that developmental level too. The absolutes are you cannot breach legal rights over-riding them as developmental issues such as ability to understand a situation are covered thru exemptions under Mental Heath, so you can't take them against their will to a hospital cos' 'they're only a child really' unless it fits under the exemptions. This is because the groan ups use chronological age as the basis for your legal rights.
For 'unwell' childlike works - They're poorly, it's a good idea to remind about what they can do to help manage it, do offer sympathy (back to grazed knees) and so on.


What works for me (the 101 of managing me in RL or online)
Background: My hands got injured at work 16 years ago and they become inflamed at the tendons very easily that results in an inability to use them.  I seldom write with a pen.
I'm unsteady on my feet, have cerebal palsy and dyslexia effecting math, reading,spelling and short-term memory.
This side of me is 'at 12'.
What keeps me going when I'm poorly is my spirit - my LG spirit to be exact - so it's one of the most important things you need to keep up.
It's appropriate to suggest I rest even on occasions insisting I do because it's the child like sense of missing out that can keep me from resting. Something like "Please be a good girl, switch off your computer and rest if you're poorly" is fine.  I won't snap at you. Honest!
Nobody should feel bad for adding the suggestion I change if not already into my LG attire when resting because it will 'turn on' the LG spirit more in me, it helps a lot and I NEED to get better.
There's a difference between what is known at the intellectual level and what is felt building up in to your heart and spirit - the engine that keeps you going emotionally.
In real life hugs work wonders as do laps. Online it's harder but you can express 'hugs' and affirm the power of my LG Spirit to keep me going which oddly enough helps if I'm feeling down. The trouble with down is it has a downward spiral and it helps to talk me back up the top.
You may need to talk me round to see a doctor cos I get scared of different places and can't remember names well and that can put a block on me thinking about it.

The Little Girl within takes control

 

A couple of years ago, something happened to me in connection with a major public role I was undertaking outside of work which lead me down a route in life that includes this blog and it's mission.

I was responsible for a large organization that was undertaking several important projects to the community that those who made decisions on wanted but had left me to attend the meetings, met the other parties involved attending their workgroup events and so on at the same time as being the head honcho of their own body.

It also was the case I was involved in local political activity for a good two decades with it's own cycles of meetings, events and so on.

It also is true to say I was becoming increasingly frustrated at the sheer amount of time I was spending - often over 20 hours a week over being tied to my computer and mobile phone from the minute I came from work. It even cut into my vacations too being expect to work from hotel rooms!

As much as I complained about this, there was little effective cover meaning the inevitable meeting clashes weren't covered and the one who was meant to got no cover either!

By this point I had become ill, finding the combination of high demands, lack of effective management of commitments to outside bodies and the best word to describe what I went through was 'a nervous breakdown'.

Something came out during my recovery, my inner child rebelled against it's forced to groan up shadow  kicking it's butt, insisting she wanted her time,she wanted to play in her little girl clothes and chill out on the bed in the evenings.

She fought and won those changes because the little girl within had spunk and courage to make the changes that would set me on a path that would make me so much more happier because when it came down to it, I just a child in a grown up body.

Pre blog II - Give me a school day

You know, that last entry has had an effect on me, making me think.
You see I've been ill for a month now with stress from this groan up work, working from home loads of ours surrounded by emails and reports to read and respond to.
Surrounded by them  I have bought myself schoolgirls blouses to wear at home because I've realized something and it is being at school with its rules, homework and so on actually was less stressful for me and I'd gladly swap places for all of that because I know the time afterwards is mine. While I'll ill, I'm going try to wear a uniform and follow some rules as I was happy to follow school rules because they kept me safe and I felt secure.
At the moment I've been working on things up to 10 o clock at night and this I know: I want out of the groan up world.