Tomboy Jo

There's an age-old adage, "There's more than one way to skin a cat" and that is very true when it comes into many aspects connected with age regression and the life that goes with it so I usually counsel an acceptance that there's no one magically right way to go about it.
This is especially true on the little/middle girl side where sometimes it might seem we're all frilly dresses with lashings of lace but there was a girl, very famous one who was a heroine of mine who went a whole 180 degrees the other way

 "George" from the Famous Five series actually was Georgina a girl who was very much a Tomboy, taking the lead and liking to wear less feminine girls attire to the point she did wear schoolboys shorts (although most modern versions remove this essential aspect of the storylines).
You could say she was rebelling about gender roles  and what was seen as suitable attire for girls and actually there is a fair bit of her in me that does wear shorts that aren't super pink and with curvy piping outside of my love of dresses.

I do wear the above navy tailored 'boys' shorts with my girls attire as that girl which is at times more practical and yet also does tie in with liking to present as a middle/little

l also have this black pair bought from a famous school wear supplier in the UK who does stock them in wide range of sizes. They do look very smart on me with nothing looking  too tight and the side pockets are helpful.
They aren't the sort of traditional grey lined shorts of yore having more in common with longer cargo type shorts but being more formal and made from stain resistant teflon like most school skirts and trousers are.
This while not necessary pleasing traditionalists who want them al a Angus Young this does mean it is possible to wear them amongst the 'muggles' with socks that don't scream out 'adult schoolchild' on the prowl as indeed I do in my neighbourhood with no one batting an eyelid.
This Saturday for instance I wore them with my Hello Kitty long sleeve t shirt and white frilly ankle socks outdoors walking as it was fairly warm for time of year which is pretty Tomboy.

What is a Girl?

I noticed more by accident the other week, something I talked about several years back was being discussed at a site with links back here so thought I'd write something about about it here a few years on.
Being a girl is...being how her feels in you, as it comes out of your own feelings as expressed by you in dress, interests and play.
In so far as being an adult little girl goes, it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or not, if you have a sexual side in your life or the extent to which you are able to let this side of your life out at home or around your local area.
Being either transgendered or gender fluid/variant and of any and no sexuality does not make a  difference  to being and your ability to let the adult little girl you feel out so long as ...you feel Her in you.
There is no one model you have to confirm to.
You may prefer to dress more like a younger child or 'Baby' , a young child which may be dresses, dungerees or shorts or more Middlish looking Tween or young teen.
You might do more party or school type attire if that's you (I like sitting behind a desk in school attire doing exercises) depending on circumstances such as the ability to spend time with a few others.
You may have a Caregiver in your life.
It really doesn't matter as little girl you is...You.
Some people do find their younger side may have a different gender presentation to their "Big" which may seem odd (and kinda threw me a few years back to be honest) but actually it's okay.
If that's you then please come presenting as that  Little Girl for the period - a little consistency during play helps - bring something with you and you know we'll share teddies, dollies and play even if your "Big" presents as male.
Those of us who aren't super frilly won't kill you if your presentation  goes out that way.
The only thing we aren't so keen on is people who take being a female, especially a little girl and project an overriding sexual side to it (We appreciate Adults often have a sexual side but that stay's in the bedroom and never at little girl playtime!).
It was my experiences elsewhere with "sissies" who tended to push a very full on sexual side linking femininity with subservience, ritual humiliation, who also by clearly linking being a girl as an insult, insulted our sense of being,  co-opting part of our identity for that whole "humiliated as a girl" thing rather than them being a girl if frankly they rather liked it even in short doses or enjoying their maleness if that was them, that troubled me.

New Year Changes

Okay we can move on over to the post I truly had in mind for this new year although there's a kind of connection between it and elements of the other.
I mentioned about over the last few months and on at least three posts a bit around presenting, my self image and how that goes together.
One issue happens to be around having multiple closets going back to the period Bob McMan was expected to be a completely separate identity with it's own unique look, a time it has to be said that felt so sad as if my emotional side had frozen over.
Over the years parts of it had changed mainly the more casual and anything more LB got converted to LG but formal tops had stayed their even though it was obvious 90% of the time I was picking out blouses and no matter where I went, that really was such a non issue.

It's true I'm not supergirl, and do have a few problem areas in my life like putting things off and generally being indecisive for which I am presently getting help with, however this year I've decided on one thing.
The last remaining bits of Bob McMan's tops are to be gone and they have left the building for good being replaced by blouses such as the one above that I can wear with skirts, pinafore dresses and trousers so for all intents and purposes I have just one closet covering all my needs which is simpler.
Anyway yesterday the mailman saw me sign for a parcel with my nails clearly painted and wasn't bothered at all.
I don't need anything else anymore.

Our Gender Identity is real...

The post I had planned to make, the first of the New Year  is sadly of necessity different in the light of Lehlah Alcorn's death, the circumstances that lead to her suicide (refusal of family to accept her transgendered identity seeing it as 'sinful', her forced participation in so-called 'corrective therapy' organized by the Church her parents belonged to removal from high school for home tuition to further isolate her) .
I do feel strongly her parents have a lot of responsibility for how feeling she was of a different gender to that she was assigned to at birth, was handled leading to being so distressed that face a life of this, in the end she took hers.
Some indication of the extent to which her parents refused to accept her as herself can be seen in their instance that in death her death wasn't her's being reported as that of a male, that any reference to her transgender feelings and status expunged as if they weren't and are not for real.
I truly feel that unless you've been in similar situations dealing with parents who flat out refuse to accept what medical science and human psychology tells you about gender, physical attributes or sexuality that apply to you, you cannot begin to understand  how not just wrong footed but cruel ones family can be.
My own feelings are that had the actions taken by her parents been those by a Board of Education and Mainstream counselling services, an investigation would be opened and charges may well be bought.
My mainly Libertarian view point usually balks at bringing the Law into family belief and practise, believing very much in the state only becoming involved to defend the rights of individuals from coercion, this tragic event does pose the question should "corrective therapy" be permitted at the State level given the general view of those in secular practise who believe it is emotionally damaging?

Yet another 365 days in the World of Joanne_chan

Another rip-roaring year comes to an end, so it's time for the almost annual review of what happened some most unexpected with reflections so where do we start?
Continuing with social media such as last years launch on Tumblr of a random likes kawaii pastel blog that makes no apology for being a littles one, it's increased it's followers to 89 to date, leading to interesting conversations, breaking down some barriers between different communities.
Regarding this blog - the main one -  it's recently celebrated it's 500th post so I've done some work around the favourite sites updating and adding links as well as tidying the side of the template up.
It gets a pretty big page view per month so as I know where many of them are thanks to GT, FA, IK, Tumblr followers and Angels members who should of spotted the new Tg blog listing as the old messy one got tidied away.
It was the year I 'arrived'  attending UK LG camp twice arrived being in reflection being the apt word for I arrived and departed full dressed whizzing across the motorway network apart from spending days at a time dressed 24/7 as myself.
I enjoyed my time playing with everyone, helping out  within my disability centred limitations to make the occasion enjoyable, one where we all could relax and just let our little sides out as it is for each of us individually for none of us is 'the same'.
I also spent some enjoyable days with the Misses, Susan, Jennifer and Andi being in the Midland triangle like me, enjoying great food and conversation.
Going back a few paragraphs though what of me and my self image?
One thing I learnt through being out more was getting handle on being myself coming from rather conservative (in some respects) controlled background it was less about 'trying' and rather more about 'being', working more with gut instinct the space dressed as you are.
Chatting to the barman at the pub during the GHS Xmas party with nails painted might of been nerve wracking at one time but I acquitted myself rather well there.
I also made peace with the frilly side (you'll be safe at Camp though Karen Marie!) following a number issues connected with the contexts I encountered in my early exploratory stage of being a little that I found less than comfortable with to the point of arriving at Fall Camp partially frilled.
I can now say "I have a feminine frilly side" even if practicality is a big thing with me. Gasp!
If from a littles side the main form of presentation had been more the uniformed school girl as seen in the Uniform posts of 2011, the year saw the public wearing of a skater skirt and for the Halloween evening, the Goth Death Kitty skirt with mesh, which was bit out of usual comfort zone but a good thing because I learnt to handle that better. And Camp's good for that too.
The other thing is that school girl has found her ultimate expression, one some of you saw for real, other like had to make do with the picture, being in a pinafore dress.
It's so me you'll be seeing more of it during 2015.
The home scene is more evolution rather than revolution that may be a bit slow for some but we're are getting somewhere with the ability (preparedness to help with too) to paint ones nails, be downstairs and eat  an evening meal fully dressed, buy suitably lg presents and gifts and so on.   Much of this would not of been accepted at the beginning of the year.
Getting toleration and working on acceptance works better here than outright confrontation.
When it comes music, I bought rather a lot of new vinyl lps such as those by Tom Petty, Rumer and 14 Beatles lps including all the Beatles in Mono series of reissues and  a number of cd sets such as the Beatles US Albums, Philadelphia International Collection 20 cd  box set, a special decent Steely Dan set plus the entire SOS bands back catalogue most which were written about in the Teenbeat retro styled entries.
I also filled some gaps in my Soul and Motown collections genres where well chosen single or multi artist compilations can be more rewarding than individual titles.
We also talked a bit about taking that music out with you on portable players, making great sounding copy files as there's life outside of iTunes and Amazon's download stores when it comes to having something to play on the train or when away.
I enjoyed "is the Order a Rabbit?", Sailor Moon Crystal, K-on series 2 and the continuing magic based adventures of FairyTail on the anime front.
I replaced my dvd player as it died just before playing a Fairy Tail box set and some classic Disney dvds like Pollyanna and The Aristocats, the latter has some of the coolest jazz on it's soundtrack.
I also acquired through rehoming a number of new dolls that I wanted during my original childhood that I've shared with others.
Everything just came together this year so here's to an exciting 2015!

500th post

Do you know something? This happens to be 500th post here at the World of Joanne_chan which is quite a milestone (not a Millstone) in its history.

 Indeed it almost never really got started between pressures from my career and having an early version of a blogging tool that was used for more mainstream "big" posts  and if you really want to know the truth, actually I'd of much sooner just had this one cos it's everything about me.
When I say everything, I mean starting with having this very much childlike (but not childish) little girl side that has never gone away , enjoying the simpler things of life like dolls, teddies, engaging in children's games and interests.
It's taken me to different places, meeting some remarkable people who share the same side mixed in with their more groan up side all trying to balance both sides of themselves and sometimes with having partners too.
It's also the only blog that deals with an important side of my life quite openly, that I am transgendered and how that taps into issues from my own childhood, having an inner girl child and has lead to me presenting as that female both at home and increasingly in the presence of others, something that has helped me an awful lot.
Our community, the alg community, has supported in its own way, me in all of this.
In this blog I do talk from time to time about things such as music, books and anime which have been great interests of mine for a while but in a different way, more from how they tie into my past and the child within me which sometimes by accident has occurred elsewhere as ultimately I can only be me wherever I may post.
To mark the occasion of this 500th post, the blog avatar as well as mine at GT and IK have been given a makeover to better reflect the feel and spirit of the school girl aged inner child as it comes out. We all know that's me.
Seeing it was inspired very much by the spirit of Little Karen Marie's blog I'll conclude by thanking her for her inspiration as well as that of other blogs I encountered in the early days of founding out what being an adult little girl was (and why it's me) and hope you'll join me in toast to the next 500!
Hugs, Joanne
xxx

Totality of indentity (a kind of essay)

After last week's entry which seemed to flow better than I anticipated, I sat down thinking a bit about about the follow up.
Some people write research papers, lecture and even publish lengthy books about things like Identity in all it's different forms and I purposely say forms because we're all different and from my point of view you can see it  as a Venn diagram  with it's overlapping elements.
For some people what can lead to an exploration of their own persona  can be a person they have a close nurturing relationship with in childhood or for some even into adulthood although for me it was more that I had that already but without the space to be me.

No doubt if I had the  space I'd been more like her as whenever I draw myself that was it and 'drawing in class' brought some of this stuff back to me recently and the crazy but true happening that upon seeing the  white frilly socks, Mommy bought me a pair and  a lolipop I could suck in her presence no less!
 Part of identity for me certainly includes an interest in ideas, people and what one could call the arts being brought up where we belonged to a book club, went to the theatre and thanks to the record club had from an early age records of favourite ballet and other classical music.
I still have a number of the books in a bookshelf.

That was one and funny enough I could say the minute I saw the cover that I had it when I was younger as the smaller ones were a special offer you got and many were 'gifted' my way.
Another one I bought used when I was around 13 from a Country Fair was this

That rather formal portrait is of the late conductor Herbert von Karajan and this record was from 1954 in a performance I'd never really forgotten being played on my stereo phonograph even though the record was mono and I was able to get a cd with this on it a short while back.

For reasons best known to themselves my folks got me one of these with a load of accessories like a radio and search light although I tended to play more with them as peace keepers rather than depressing Germans vs Allies  WW2 stuff and as far as I recall my female cousin inherited and played with them which was out of the norm back then.
Personally I wanted Barbie instead but there you go!

One of the great things about this life is the extent to which you can rediscover play, feeling free to play more on the notion of what it is you'd rather be doing rather than any gender based restrictions by parents, play groups or schools that for some of us were issues at the time.
For me it helps deal with certain more specific to me issues such as my learning disabilities that can and does make deal with adult responsibilities very frustrating when you struggle with the means because I can focus more around things I can do, enjoying them. And so being disabled too for me is also a big part of my identity (I'm not with one, I has one in my whole being) too having had it from birth.
So this identity thing is pretty important for us personally although I don't feel people should put up rigid barriers between themselves  based purely upon that, focusing more on what we have in common.