The space between

I don't suppose I'm alone in sometimes having the difficulty  in feeling  in more little or middles space as distinct from just how I may present because of other things around of me some of which you can't really do much about.
One is having parents with health issues, having to do things to help with no support whatsoever from other much more capable mentally and physical siblings who don't even return phone calls and any interest in them seems more superficial at best.

 That's sometimes where I find myself using spare bits of that time to frill myself up although I'm not normally at one with the uber-frilly side just cos it leaves me feeling a pretty carefree girl well out of more groan up space.
I also do a fair amount of colouring like yesterday between tasks to get back out of  as even for me personally  whole chunks are at the edge of  what I can cope with my my own needs.
Mommy saw and even liked some of my Frozen colouring yesterday!

Classical music round up 2015 part II

From time to time I do post short amounts around my classical music tastes and one conductor I discovered in my earlier years was the late Herbert von Karajan and a year ago a large 13 set of boxes of his recordings for EMI Records  came out covering the two period he recorded for them in the UK, France and Germany.

The first and unfortunate thing to say is he never did a complete set of the Finnish composer Sibelius' symphonies although he championed them  in the 1940's, missing the Third completely.
This box has his recordings from 1976 through 1981 with the Berlin Philharmonic taking in symphonies 1,2,4,5 and 6 and the Tone poems which have their own cd.
I owned a few of these on record at the time in SQ Quadraphonic  so it's nice to have a complete set carefully remastered using 96/24 mastering techniques being personal favourites.

This set in some ways is the catch all loose ends bit of the collection but having a  good  number of his recordings with the Philharmonia Orchestra to which he was the first conductor and stem from the early days of the LP record although the sound is remarkable even if a good many were taped in mono.
This set covers his 1950's recordings of Sibelius which the composer himself  was highly impressed by, something to bear in mind given the contempt some critics show for his interpretations as well as a amazing account of Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique taped in 1954 but in stereo and among a program of 'lollipop's', there's a nice rendition of Waldteufel's Skater's Waltz which I danced to in a wheelchair as a kid.

There were reasons for picking up this  portion of the complete set too, namely that it included his 1950's recording of Tchaikovsky including the 1954 Fifth symphony I had as a child and my love of the Philharmonia who play on nearly all these recordings of Russian works by the likes of Mussorgsky and Stravinsky.

 Rounding things off, this 2 cd set of his 1960's recordings in stereo of Symphonies 4-7 is a must being very well regarded during the lp era and features his only stereo recording of the Seventh symphony. It belongs next to  my original mid 1980's cd of Finlandia and other Tone Poems  recorded  digitally for DG and the 1987 DG Galleria re-issue of Christine Ferras's 1960's account with them of his Violin Concerto.
Selections will be written in lossless to micro sd card for playing on my Fiio digital audio player.

Freaky Friday musings

Friday,eh?
I was a bit late getting up this morning so it was a rush to fix breakfast while his furness was demanding his which is just typical I guess of what can happen when you go to sleep thinking about something.
For some of we'll be returning to some sort of studying or other next month which I'm sure we'll be looking forward  toward which kind reminded me of this perennial problem area.

 That's a funny strip from the American Dennis series but it does set out well, the great putting off feeling, moving toward magical dream solutions with that on the day realization it didn't work and you're left with...No Homework Done.
I'm getting better at structuring  it, making notes what needs to be done by when, starting on say an essay plan with the points to put in and then doing a bit at a time rather than a last minute "Oh my god!" dash for it which believe me, was my system for years and years.
I'm also finding having a person who'll hold me to account over this sort of thing is helping to as I'm not very good at doing it for me.
Having had a near miss involving a car earlier on in the week, it brought a few more buried aspects of my life to the fore.
I had been thinking about getting more hands on at one particular site but feel it may not be to the best interests of my emotional well being, not that I wasn't able to do it, quite the opposite actually as I could do it well, but rather it may put me in more triggering situations that have taken me long time to recover from.
I am more feeling that looking after my needs is not only better for me personally - and I do matter - but I can do more of what I feel helps from the sidelines.

The lead makes the colour...

Yeah I know, Tuesday isn't it but the groan ups mess my routine up yesterday that left me super tired  so yesterdays post comes a day later than scheduled and I might of gotten it done before bedtime had it not been for Marmalade playing hide and seek over over half an hour, tearing the lower floor of house apart trying to find him. Grrr.
Anyways, as you know Colouring is a pretty big thing with me and a large portion of us too but one problem I have is gripping and pressing on to pencils due to my disabilities.
It's no lie I can sometimes struggle to write me own name  at a times which makes colouring difficult as with most childrens pencils you need quite an impression to get darker shades and they can break real easy.
At the suggestion of Poppie, I decided to get some more pencils.

 

For one thing my pencils came in 12 colour pack so some of the colours I may need aren't there although I'm pretty good at blending colours to create say Fawn -some packs have different colour shades in them too - and these don't break so easy.

They're also designed  so you don't need to press much on them which is a very real boon for some of us and easier to blend.

Monkeying about

Anima the plushie Monkey behind his favourite Island site.
He came from  the Monkey Forest at Trentham, near Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire which as been open for ten years  where my folks bought  him.
You can wonder around  watching the monkeys all day although it's not a good idea to have food on your person although there are eating areas and shops  on site, one a number of great places to visit here in the North-west Midlands.

Yesterday I went to a new hairdressers locally as my one for several years isn't very well and has had to gave up her  job which is both a great shame and a reminder of when it was I had to too.
If like me you do suffer from social anxiety anything like this is stressful but the lady who owns the shop made me super welcome and having understood my disabilities made a great attempt engage with me  so I didn't lose track of what she was saying.
It's really nice when people do things like this.

Summer playtime

As you may of gathered I was going to be away for a few days this week which was a part the reason for late last weeks entry being done when it was cos usually when I'm away I'm minus any computer connected stuff.
Just say no to techno talk, a sentiment I'm sure Susan wholeheartedly agrees with!
But as ever and increasingly more so, I had do everything like pack everything I was going to take away with me, sort out transportation and remember to take some with me food as I'd be travelling across midday all by myself.
This time was going to be a bit different cos I had to catch two trains as well as two buses each way which isn't the most comfortable thing if you get super anxious about dealing with situations or people  like I do  and have bad bad memories of trains.
Anyhow having just done a quick check of my bags that I had I least gotten the essentials packed away I shot through the front door wishing Mommy a goodbye to hop on a bus to catch a bus to the main rail station in this district that most Britishers have travelled through at least once to the delights of Wolverhampton where this time I was catch a train near to Auntie Andi's having ensured there was plenty of time to allow for the connection.
For some internal reason or other the ticket inspectors were out not just on the first station but here just on Platform five so I had to show my ticket to them before I could walk on the train that was waiting. It was a good job I asked if that was the right train as one employee had no idea and the sign wasn't clear!
So with that sorted I limped into the disabled area of one of the coachs with clear view of such wonderful sights as the canal at Dudley Port and Smethwick Rolfe Street  station in the middle of that town before going through the rabbit warren that is Birmingham New Street after which I'd be at my stop to meet with Andi  who took  my by car to her place.
Seasoned readers of certain forums will know, the last few weeks haven't been good with me with family health worries and  a particularly graphic flashback that left in state emotionally  so a large part of being away was to get away from that and play more.
The day had started off rather sunny and and was quite warm so the first thing I did after hanging up my coat and taking off my shoes was to take my bags with me and change so I changed into my dark navy and white gingham school dress with short sleeves as that would be cooler.
I not usually much for short sleeves especially dresses as that's one area where body image connected dysphoria is strong in me (not feeling comfortable in your skin is so not funny) but thought this was a good setting with people to try it.
Plus it's so it's so middle/little and that above all was where I wanted, nay needed, to be so I just got on with it with my white bowed long socks on and came down the stairs.
 With me I had my Frozen colouring book and two sets of pencils which I spend most of the two days colouring two pages at a time to try to keep some continuity in the colouring although I do sometimes make minor changes across a related set of pictures.
Colouring is something I find I need as the process of thinking about the characters, colour schemes takes me out of groan up space very quickly working more with my emotional age and responses.
Also I had Jessica my 18 inch Gotz dolly with me to play with  which I got on with while Jennifer made her way  to join us.
We had a cold meat spread with salad and potatoes and an Indian cake based sweet with syrup - I like syrup heaps -  with ice cream and drank white elderberry as I don't do alcohol talking about many things some connected with littles life and others like the progress or otherwise of renewal in the Black Country and Birmingham.
I talked to Susan a dear friend of ours for a short while.
As was noticed, I soon started falling to sleep and then trying to stay awake so it was I was seen to bed which isn't a bad thing for anyone to do if I'm like that and with you as when I'm like that that's what really needs to happen and at least I just got on with getting to bed without any arguments. Sometime after that Jennifer departed.
I woke up around 6 o clock noticing it was light and sorted out things ready for later on and proceeded to get a wash.
I put  on a long-sleeved stripy top with my red sweatshirt  over the top and green pleated skirt and white socks and made my way downstairs to discreetly play and colour some more until Andi was up.
I'm not one for waking people up if it can be helped so while she got on with some business she needed to I continued colouring until it was time for a full British breakfast  of bacon, sausage, fried egg with fried bread. with fruit juice.
We talked as I did Yet More Colouring until it was time to set off to catch the first train to Wolverhampton which was on time  and despite the best attempts at delaying things at Birmingham New Street  kept time throughout.
I had a pleasant conversation, laughing with a group three disabled passengers who got on at Coseley, one of whom as in a motorized scooter before catching the train toward the big rail Junction of the North-west Midlands and having a laugh with some more passengers before catching one bus. The second bus did a no show which wasn't very nice at all as I had to limp across a mile in the countryside to get to our estate.
I think I needed that time away from groan up distractions to just enjoy being little me playing and colouring after the last few weeks so I'd like to thank Andi for her her hospitality and food and Jennifer for company.


* Picture NOT brought to you Associated Rediffusion but as I has no smart phone and selfie stick (dangerous given my computer usage issues) this is as close as you're gonna get AND see, I is for real.

Real Middle Thursday

Okay today is NOT Friday, that is true but there's reasons for why I'm posting this entry today one is that for the last few days I've been very much in Middle/Little space sometimes doing things like interactive 'play' with others, adding bits to imaginary adventures, playing more with dolls and plushies using my imagination to create stories in which they act out roles or just cuddling up for an hour or during the day in addition to sleeping with my Teddy, Theo.
Sometimes it can perverse but spending time around say websites around little life sometimes can take you out of it either because you get locked into more into the search than the exploration of personal little space or sometimes more grown up issues may seep into it pushing your way from that whole feel you came looking for.
There can be times when such things may not be helped when people who have differences that they feel the need to express, don't take that directly to those who need to hear them so bringing others down.
That's way I try to limit some of the time I spend online concentrating more on recreating that feeling that I find so beneficial to my life so my middle time is more 'real', real to me as experienced by me.
There is only so much you can do with a second hand experience as good as looking at others experiences and techniques can be and that takes me to the final reason for why this is being posted today.
That's because I'm going to a friends where I can be very much my Middle self having a real middle experience that'll add to my memory of them, something that you just can't get in virtual life.

Teen beat XIIII (Streetlife Serenade)

If you read the previous editions of teen beat and the predecessors, you may of gotten the idea I do rather like Billy Joel and over the last five years a whole batch of his albums have had so-called 'audiophile' editions promising and delivering the best possible  sound from the Master Tapes.

 In 1974 he recorded a second album in Los Angeles whose songs referenced  both Surburbia and the Inner City.
Billy has publicly expressed his feeling the album as released didn't realize his intention and like with The Piano Man and Cold Spring Harbor, he re-recorded some of the songs live for the 'Songs In The Attic' album released in 1981.
The song most remember from this is album is 'The Entertainer' a #34 single hit, where he expresses his disapproval of how 'Piano Man' had been severely edited for single release inserting the sarcastic response "If you're gonna have a hit, you gotta make it fit, so they cut it down to 3:05".
Personally I like this albums wider musical range.
What's nice about this edition is the Mastering Engineer, Kevin Gray has prepared it from from the original mastertapes as mixed from the multi-track session rather than a copy of that so it's a clear sounding as possible and has the widest range between the quiet and loud passages.
The original recording to my ears was very well captured.
As well back in 1974, a four channel mix was made for the SQ quadraphonic record designed to reproduced over four speakers in the corners of your listening area and that mix is added as a extra to the Super Audio cd layer for those with players that support that format.