Thursday ramblings

Tomorrow I'll be in town just to get a few things in ready for Christmas as that will be the focus of my activities so the likes of FA, tumblr and even old school blogging will begin to drop off as in truth they are only possible due to spare time and I have less of it this time of year.
I see this blogs posts  dropping to one a week and I may take a break completely from one Tumblr and cut back on the other which to an extent I have been doing this week as apart from the time it takes, inter community bickering and accusations just takes its toll on me emotionally as paradoxically it does judging from those who do it too.
The time is better spent on putting cards  and presents in groups  to take out with me visiting friends and family lifting spirits and spreading goodwill.
Incidentally, thank yoo Jennifer for de card that arrived Tuesday.

Exploring together

I wasn't too good over the last two days although I got up okay, messaging PB and getting the last mammoth blog entry published with links at all the usual spots to make it easier to people to follow it. Shortly afterward I felt a migraine coming rather quickly so I quickly got my tablets out a jug full of water with glass, closed the curtains and went bed.

 It wouldn't be me in the midst of all that to be thinking of other things, I mean it's so funny but sometimes I'm more together when it comes to thinking ideas up when I'm  like that than any other time.
One is how many times we hear of people who do something a little outside of the mainstream such as follow a dress style and wear it, have aspects of our lives that others may not be so keen on such as your gender identity, sexuality and being a little and so on who struggle to have people they feel they can be open with as friends. And this in age of forums, emails and social media.
Sometimes it may be that the individual has difficulties forming and holding down personal relationships which may not be helped if others are way too quick to judge elementary mistakes but life if you appear not to be able to learn from them can be hard.
Sometimes groups have very much a "My way is the only highway" approach, setting very exacting positions people are at least to go along with if not openly endorse which at times is so ironical being in mind the reason for  existence of some groups is the very excludedness those people felt from others they project themselves.
To  me it seems in order to progress we need to be open to difference, able to tolerate difference and understand  the expression of differing views often leads to more informed thoughts and decisions.
If we find understanding something hard - and it genuinely can be -  we need to be prepared to  work with someone who will explain it and engage with them changing what we are doing if it isn't helping us.
We also need to learn to hold hands more with the people who can helps us explore and grow as people which may include learning more about some of things that unite us but may not be part of other peoples lives.
If you're a little/middle you need to find those spaces you can let this side of you out openly without the distractions of regular adult stuff going on.

Personal growth

It's kind funny how it is change and permanency crop in in differing forms when it is we think about aspects of our lives such as what may matter the most or the direction a hobby or interest may take.
Some people may put a great store on things being the same then, now and even in the future living around patterns from the past and equally we can all think of people who never really seem settled, forever swapping and changing things at whim, sometimes to the consternation of those closest to them.
Sometimes you may feel things changing but hear the siren calls of those who just loved you and what you do begging you not to change, that you and what you do is all that you are and to embark on journey be it personal or in developing your skills would lose you your own qualities while others still may wish to take you down routes you might not feel sure over.
To grow and to adapt either as a person or in your interests to me seems on the face of it a healthy thing as that would imply you are learning and exploring more of what interests and fascinates you.
I know and sometimes it feels at certain sites as if I'm forever on about, I am changing, learning  to do and live with greater expectations of doing things to those I'm been familiar with far a long time which hasn't been easy.
It would of been easy to given the matters that came to a head last year to had done nothing, in effect deciding to have stayed in rut which may have been a dead for end for me but a comfortable one but instead pursued on that was and has been painful at times but has ultimately been more benefit to me. Sometimes it's the courage to change that we need.

Onward bound

"I wonder what this is all about?" I hear you cry especially as we know me and trains have a lot bad memories and you generally won't see many pictures of them here and certainly it's very very rare for me to take a single photo of them plus only on one occasion did I take a series on slide film.

 The train is apparently a Class 350/2 built by Siemens having been in service for the last few years on this line and it was taking me away for a bit a break . A Mars Bar for anyone outside the Black Country who can identify the service and the station this was taken at.
Getting there had been fraught with its own issues between road works preventing me from getting to the station by one route potentially up to the the very morning and an accident along the next best alternative  route causing much disruption but I got there in good time to get some lunch while waiting for the train to come in.
One thing that changed at the station was due to re-modelling work, its owners had put in ticket operated barriers between the waiting area and the platforms which I found confusing.
I got in the disabled seating area and it wasn't long before I arrived at the other end to be greeted by a friend of mine who after some shopping took me to their place to meet Susan and Andi.
It wasn't long before the 'Junior Prefect' emerged in her black pinafore dress after unzipping the many zips of the turquoise suitcase to extract what was needed immediately which given much of what I had mentioned before was pretty much middles regression so it was Jessica dollie and my colouring book.
I over did the colouring a bit probably with getting 'too' in that regressed space apart from just feeling  very spaced out, so sorry about  that.
After a period it was time to eat and Susan and Jennifer had been working on something I'd never ever eaten before, Duck (no Fudge, not a yellow coloured wheeled item you know) with roast potatoes, asparagus and sprouts.
With apologies to the vegetarians, It's a bit like lamb when it comes to the taste and texture but in 'bird' form. It certainly tasted really well, a tribute to Susan's cooking skills  and we had chocolate and cherry cake afterward.
Afterward we listened between talking about various things, to so a few compilations including one by David Bowie  who I like a lot and the Eagles before making our way to bed.
Bed for me was with the glowing embers of the coal fire - you wouldn't believe how long they can stay alight - and I definitely got the sleep I'd been missing from the days before.
I was up around 7:20 and after a wash got changed for the morning, opening the curtains - there's something about the act of doing that that triggers that whole feeling of letting in the fresh day and sorting things out ready for off.
It wasn't long before I fixed some breakfast to be joined by Andi and Susan chatting over breakfast before it was time for me to return home.
Time regressed is I feel good time for me, it's not about escapism, it's more time to let out the the Middle within being herself as it is rather than a more groan uppy dressed as middle way because for me there's not much mode change.
You may change the attire but the Middle stands-that's me.

Thanks to Andi, Jennifer and Susan in strict alphabetical order for an enjoyable time socializing and for the lifts to the station.

The Misses and Master

After Friday's more heavyweight piece I felt like sharing something else here.

Princess Natasha all in white making her way down the stairway. I had her for several years and is more the decorative sort of doll having a porcelain face

Morse sat on my chair. Although he's Scottish he doesn't drink Whiskey!

Jessica, as she'd just gotten up in the morning before I brushed her hair, living on the side of my chair in the front room from where I usually interact with y'all online.
I doesn't matter they and my other dolls and stuffies are clearly visible to my neighbours across the street as are my Wood's Cat teapots or if they come into the front room.
It's my space and I'm me.

More thoughts on 'little'

There were a number of things I felt like posting around today, some which may have go to other spaces I share but you know what, I feel like putting it them here any how.
The first thing I'm gonna talk about is what we mean by being a little as this from time to time causes issues depending sometimes where folks arrived from and how wide your knowledge and involvement in that community is.
If anyone expect a single universal definition, sorry there's not one as some like to slice and dice everything up often to match a subcultures take.
My start point is it's about you as an individual first and foremost starting from how you see yourself as you navigate your way from upper juniors and through your teens to approaching what the law defines as 'adulthood'.
The majority of children going through what is called 'growing up' have what is best called an emotional  age that is within the average or norm for children within their year which means at a practical level they can both be educated broadly the same level while being able to play and socialize within that peer group feeling neither to young or too old as equals, free from inappropriate behaviour.
If that was you, you'd be content  being yourself, sharing the same interests as your peers but for anyone that isn't you start to find toward your mid teens your being left out, staying the same emotional age having no interest in maybe or even getting anything from what interests your peers.
In effect you are  in very real way emotionally much younger than your chronological years that brings with it both ostracization  and vulnerbilities that others are only too willing to exploit.
I first became aware of this  around the ages of nine and ten finding my peers had outgrown me with it increasing several fold by my mid teens to the point I had to be protected at school from unsolicited and misunderstood attention from my peers.
Had it of been in this decade, rather than trying to find things in the reference library I'd of no doubt of been looking stuff up online on various sites and that simply cos nothing was around in what was supposed to had been a safe space for me never mind having spaces I could just share the interests I did have.
I don't believe in the intervening years a mid to late teen child  who is that way is that much more different although the internet itself brings risks to your doorstop, something which is of real concern to those over 18 who find them 'reaching out'. In a very real way those teens need their own adult free space until they are of age and some solid professional guidance of the sort some of us back in the day didn't have.
Those of us who are over 18 obviously started from somewhere and instead of concerns about our school friends, it's more about employers, fellow students and what anyone you may be in a relationship with as to how much of that side of they can take as well as the adult sexual side.
How that little side comes out does vary and one point I want to get across here is unlike the image you may encounter online it is not and does not have to be all about diapers, sippy cups, all in one romper type suits and pacifers although if that's you, terrific and as those of ya who have actually seen me over here know, I don't mind in the slightest.
You can be dressy, tom boyish, play school if you like (it's fun, trust me!) spend the hours colouring, watching Sofia The First or play snap, whatever makes you feel comfortable really cos it's just that-being in emotionally comfortable space, free from groan up worries and concerns.
To me that's what we have and had as Littles even if you have moved into relationships where that's accepted and anything 'adult' is understood and consented to.
It's what makes being a little transcending of any other label regardless of if you're more ab/dl, dd/lg  or 'furry' centric.
 
 

The space between

I don't suppose I'm alone in sometimes having the difficulty  in feeling  in more little or middles space as distinct from just how I may present because of other things around of me some of which you can't really do much about.
One is having parents with health issues, having to do things to help with no support whatsoever from other much more capable mentally and physical siblings who don't even return phone calls and any interest in them seems more superficial at best.

 That's sometimes where I find myself using spare bits of that time to frill myself up although I'm not normally at one with the uber-frilly side just cos it leaves me feeling a pretty carefree girl well out of more groan up space.
I also do a fair amount of colouring like yesterday between tasks to get back out of  as even for me personally  whole chunks are at the edge of  what I can cope with my my own needs.
Mommy saw and even liked some of my Frozen colouring yesterday!