Bouncing about

It's been an odd week for emotions which at times it can be  with me cos when I really feel things then it just is sometimes to the exclusion of much else and there's a lot of that "help out your playmate" in me that shows when she's in need of it.
That took me back a bit in time mentally...

Time was when skipping just for the fun of it was one of my favourite activities outside of any formal games or PE usually involving a traditional knotted rope with wooden handles that actually I kept up until I was about sixteen.
Part of it I think was being in control of my body, making it move which with my disabilities is hard going as it feels often like there's several internal wires missing carrying that information so I can't 'summon' it to move to will, something that perplexed many an adult.
Actually I got pretty good at it.
The other side of it is it makes me feel very girlish, just jumping and skipping from side to side in a carefree way and I think I'm in need of carefree spaces so something like that say at next Camp might just be the thing ideally in pink gingham.

Think Pink!

Sometimes  you come back with things you didn't expect and I don't mean colds and the like but in the best traditions of Littles and Middles people do bring things with them that they either no long want or perhaps bought and found didn't fit or something.
Well at Camp there was a full rail of things from various people with their own stories to tell and in the best tradition anything is between you and the girl (or their Caregiver/Groan up) including paying up for things you want not Camp organizers and the like.

Way back in late June last year I did get a dark blue gingham school summer dress that I quite liked not least for how Junior it made me feel, which as far as I'm concerned is quite a good  thing and I had been thinking about something in a more classic pink.
Coming in with a few things on Sunday last was this one with two pleats at the front I like - I'm big on pleats - that caught my eye from Jillian which having put it against me, seemed to be just perfect so I paid her for it in notes of the Bank of Purrland.
That was the one modelled on Monday with a long sleeve t shirt underneath cos it was cold out of doors otherwise being Winter.

Summer playtime

As you may of gathered I was going to be away for a few days this week which was a part the reason for late last weeks entry being done when it was cos usually when I'm away I'm minus any computer connected stuff.
Just say no to techno talk, a sentiment I'm sure Susan wholeheartedly agrees with!
But as ever and increasingly more so, I had do everything like pack everything I was going to take away with me, sort out transportation and remember to take some with me food as I'd be travelling across midday all by myself.
This time was going to be a bit different cos I had to catch two trains as well as two buses each way which isn't the most comfortable thing if you get super anxious about dealing with situations or people  like I do  and have bad bad memories of trains.
Anyhow having just done a quick check of my bags that I had I least gotten the essentials packed away I shot through the front door wishing Mommy a goodbye to hop on a bus to catch a bus to the main rail station in this district that most Britishers have travelled through at least once to the delights of Wolverhampton where this time I was catch a train near to Auntie Andi's having ensured there was plenty of time to allow for the connection.
For some internal reason or other the ticket inspectors were out not just on the first station but here just on Platform five so I had to show my ticket to them before I could walk on the train that was waiting. It was a good job I asked if that was the right train as one employee had no idea and the sign wasn't clear!
So with that sorted I limped into the disabled area of one of the coachs with clear view of such wonderful sights as the canal at Dudley Port and Smethwick Rolfe Street  station in the middle of that town before going through the rabbit warren that is Birmingham New Street after which I'd be at my stop to meet with Andi  who took  my by car to her place.
Seasoned readers of certain forums will know, the last few weeks haven't been good with me with family health worries and  a particularly graphic flashback that left in state emotionally  so a large part of being away was to get away from that and play more.
The day had started off rather sunny and and was quite warm so the first thing I did after hanging up my coat and taking off my shoes was to take my bags with me and change so I changed into my dark navy and white gingham school dress with short sleeves as that would be cooler.
I not usually much for short sleeves especially dresses as that's one area where body image connected dysphoria is strong in me (not feeling comfortable in your skin is so not funny) but thought this was a good setting with people to try it.
Plus it's so it's so middle/little and that above all was where I wanted, nay needed, to be so I just got on with it with my white bowed long socks on and came down the stairs.
 With me I had my Frozen colouring book and two sets of pencils which I spend most of the two days colouring two pages at a time to try to keep some continuity in the colouring although I do sometimes make minor changes across a related set of pictures.
Colouring is something I find I need as the process of thinking about the characters, colour schemes takes me out of groan up space very quickly working more with my emotional age and responses.
Also I had Jessica my 18 inch Gotz dolly with me to play with  which I got on with while Jennifer made her way  to join us.
We had a cold meat spread with salad and potatoes and an Indian cake based sweet with syrup - I like syrup heaps -  with ice cream and drank white elderberry as I don't do alcohol talking about many things some connected with littles life and others like the progress or otherwise of renewal in the Black Country and Birmingham.
I talked to Susan a dear friend of ours for a short while.
As was noticed, I soon started falling to sleep and then trying to stay awake so it was I was seen to bed which isn't a bad thing for anyone to do if I'm like that and with you as when I'm like that that's what really needs to happen and at least I just got on with getting to bed without any arguments. Sometime after that Jennifer departed.
I woke up around 6 o clock noticing it was light and sorted out things ready for later on and proceeded to get a wash.
I put  on a long-sleeved stripy top with my red sweatshirt  over the top and green pleated skirt and white socks and made my way downstairs to discreetly play and colour some more until Andi was up.
I'm not one for waking people up if it can be helped so while she got on with some business she needed to I continued colouring until it was time for a full British breakfast  of bacon, sausage, fried egg with fried bread. with fruit juice.
We talked as I did Yet More Colouring until it was time to set off to catch the first train to Wolverhampton which was on time  and despite the best attempts at delaying things at Birmingham New Street  kept time throughout.
I had a pleasant conversation, laughing with a group three disabled passengers who got on at Coseley, one of whom as in a motorized scooter before catching the train toward the big rail Junction of the North-west Midlands and having a laugh with some more passengers before catching one bus. The second bus did a no show which wasn't very nice at all as I had to limp across a mile in the countryside to get to our estate.
I think I needed that time away from groan up distractions to just enjoy being little me playing and colouring after the last few weeks so I'd like to thank Andi for her her hospitality and food and Jennifer for company.


* Picture NOT brought to you Associated Rediffusion but as I has no smart phone and selfie stick (dangerous given my computer usage issues) this is as close as you're gonna get AND see, I is for real.

Summer and Middledom

Oyez, Oyez,Oyez!
Miss Joanne has her Summer school dress in dark blue with pocket on the right!

It's nice soft and very comfortable and is very much a part of me really and while in the UK you'd associate it more with rising 5 through 11+ schoolgirls in some countries such as Australia you'll see similar dresses wear in high school no doubt with an eye to those hot humid conditions so I could wear this around my 'presenting age'.
I was having some interesting interactions at one site this week around a topic that has cropped up before connected with that last sentence.
You know, you can slice this broad adult littles thing up many ways and lots of individuals do of which the two most common are by those who do wear diapers or by presenting ages although it's possible to have both as in real life I knew teens in diapers cos for them it was a medical, disability related thing.
Although every one of us has our own unique feel for it, there are three main age related categories whose majority accepted definitions I'll go through.
Adult Baby, this is fairly self explanatory and quite simply means the person while an adult is in the headspace of a baby with  related interests and would be up to three years of age.
Although many do, this need not include diapers or the intended usage of and wearing diapers of itself doesn't make you one.
The widest group you'll hear of is that of Adult Littles which can get a bit confusing  as that's also the generic term for all of us, but strictly speaking adult littles are those who identify  as between 3 and 12 years when in regressed headspace, in otherwords the age range that in England goes from Pre-school through last year at Primary School.
In terms of interests and activities we're looking very much at cartoons, stickers, colouring, toys including blocks.
The group to whom this interaction was more interesting in was that of Middles which is a term spoken much of less of  but generally refers to those who identify more with teen interests and  the question was put politely to me a few times to which do I identify?
That is a very good question because my upper limit is around 12-13 which puts me midpoint although I can regress down a few years too.
Having thought about it, I think I'd say Middle first, because a good number of the things that interest me come from there such as more teen centred animes although there is a quite a carry over from the more Littles side when it comes to play and colouring for instance with me which reflects how my disabilities impact who I can do and enjoy.
The other area being some of needs I have cross from that sense of feeling powerful at ten and 11 to the boundary pushing mid teens requiring copious amounts of patience and understanding as well as undivided attention.
Allied to these changes can be issues such as brattiness and challenging authority requiring love, guidance and discipline of which (cough) I'm getting a good deal of as you navigate the World increasingly more by yourself and to which is really helping with the behavioural and attitude issues I've had on my 'adult' side.
The perfect summary was provided by one person I encountered who described themselves as Middle with a little ones side and that's how I see me although I don't feel any of us need keep ourselves to activities and events to just any one group so long as we're able to get a lot from them.
In other words, while defining  yourself is fine, don't be exclusive with it in your littles life.