Birthday musings

Sometimes you tend to ask yourself "What if..." and chunks of my life have indeed been rather like it for a variety of reasons like having the physical and intellectual disabilities I have you might wonder how it would of been for not having that not least upon my education and how such things play into socialization and so on.

One "What if..." is what would of been like had I of been a Girl Guide or Brownie as unlike many of my siblings and cousins I never got asked nor introduced to scouting in any way shape or form almost as if they though I'd be too much of handful for them to look after even if Guides and Scouts did have disabled members back then.

Personally as I reflect this birthday week upon it I think it would of helped with socialization which I struggle with, learning what today we call life skills as my parents never taught me any and provided a much needed sense of identity.

Sometimes I do wonder if I could go back and "do" two and bit years of Brownies with a Brown Owl, following the program obviously outside of anything involving actual children with safeguarding and that.

A bit like grown up role playing but without any "adult" stuff in it, in other words as if they were being an actual Brown Owl leading a session with me as the member.

It might do me some good.

The Catcher in the Rye

Today was a landmark day in the UK for a book I loved in my teens that had been anglicized and censored ever since it's original publication there.
One the things I loved about it was the sense of alienation that was so well portrayed by J.D.  Salinger in Holden Caulfield, the "you can't really trust" feel bit it teachers, parents or other authority figures and in any event what do they really know?
Holden cares deeply about children, seeing himself as a saviour of them and in many other respects his social ineptitude, impulsiveness and self doubt underscore a lack of maturation although he'd never see it that way.
Some days I feel that way, lost in the adult world.

Clarissa explains it all

 

I've never been much for watching television generally there was never that much on which held my attention but recently I bought a used Satellite tv receiver and dish to use with the tv for some of things I do like such as the Children's Channel, The Family Channel and Nickelodeon, home of some great children's early teen shows

One show I like a lot is Clarissa Explains It All starring Melissa Joan Hart who plays a teen going you the lowdown on what is exactly is what from her bedroom headquarters with her family including brother, Ferguson and friends. It covers fun things to do, social situations and consequences which I struggle with.

 One thing that cannot be dodged with me is I never really learned much socially about navigating choices having not really had a teen upbringing and so this show is helpful to me as as it is for actual teens getting to grips with being given more independence.

This early nineties show was something I found helpful being a hybrid of a Tween emotionally and an adult in terms of a few interests and the law.

 

Top Twenties [Pre-blog]

A fascination of mine always has been music but remembering exactly what came out before after a significant single for instance can be hard going which was one reason during my mid to late teens I borrowed then bought a number books about that not least the evergreen  Top Twenty books covering British hit 45's.

 The strength of this series of books was it provided a short essay on the years 45's and then followed by a month by month chart rundown starting with the first week of the month and then adding in any new entries which makes finding your way round the charts easier and certainly less of a chore than either listing per position or printing separate charts per week.
It also has some increasing information as you get into the 1970's about albums too that I recall having or people playing to me.
One function of music as I found during 1986 through 87 was it has this ability to to take my mind back to situations people and events so seeing a listing will place me in that period of my life so for me this isn't just a  hobby tool but an important part of my age regression reconnecting with my inner child.

Trying to be that child ]Pre-blog]

 

Play was something as a child I tended to struggle with, from being able to form and keep friends of my very own to being able to understand the often subtle and unspoken "rules" about how we conduct ourselves socially.

When it came to play often their wore other things involved at the time such as play being either just with groups of girls or boys and if as was often the case I wanted to play with whatever group interested me the answer would be "No!".

That of course also ignore a few other things like my ability to understand the rules of the games that were played and remember them as you played as things often get muddled up with me.

That's what comes back to me, the week we'd of been back at school for Autumn Term.

The big skirt years [Pre-blog]

It's been a few years since I've started wearing skirts more and today I bought a matching cotton long sleeve to  and long (25") skirt with a daisy printed pattern  as it's cool in this weather and looks great. It reminds me of the outfits one of my closest friends wore outside of class, not that I've really forgotten that and in someways I'd rather still be there
I generally tend to go for longer lengths when I go skirt shopping  like at C&A or Littlewoods and they're either more secretarial or smart casual wearing them with pantyhose.

Rare Masters [Pre-blog]

I've liked Elton John for a long time but this week I bought  a special 2 cd set.

Entitled Rare Masters one reason for buying it was the number of 'B' sides of singles not currently available on cd such as Screw You and Sugar On The Floor as it was the policy back then to keep them off studio albums.
The other is it's the first time the movie soundtrack from Friends released in 1971 by Paramount has been issued in it's entirety on cd so this set complements my album based collection well.