Review and Xmas 2024

 

Twenty Twenty Four,eh? 

Does anyone know where it really went and indeed where as we go through the outro into Twenty Twenty Five where we'll end up?

This blog has being going, like ages sometimes going more down one set of interests and then the other  but one thing was we achieved some 2,000 posts, all original, made over a variety of different computers from the legend that was "Treacle, the slowest thing out there in the west to the death of the old Windows laptop to the adoption of using Chromebooks to do most things including blog posts on.

One arrival late last year was this Asus Chromebook Plus which had better processors and more ram for dealing with social media and BIG photo galleries apart from online in browser games which has helped matters somewhat not least for having backlight keys.

Some sad trends continued such as the declined usage of GT, sad cos I struggle with few very long continuous threads rather than themed threads on a layer of sub forums and some Tumblrs dropping off as trying to find tumblrs that are around littles fashion, age regression and really SFW can be hard going. 

I'm working through developing looks that I feel comfortable in a variety of settings as some which may be fine for others just don't it for me or are unpractical when it comes to either putting on, fastening  or being carried in the case across railway platforms before taking lifts.

Some of my older ankle socks were showing some signs of wear and tear so I did have for CatMas three of these of cotton calf length socks that will work with most things apart from just below the knee with patterns for a more sophisticated look while being close to the appeal of pelerine school type socks.

Music has always played a part in my life and 2024 did see a few more records being added, some from the The Original Source series of Classical re-issues cut from the original four and eight track tapes directly rather than copies and selected reissues from people like Analogue Productions.

I did get a good number of the mono reissues of the Beatles American albums from 1964 and some books about them for CatMas.

The Now Yearbook series kept going although generally on record I haven't bothered with the post 1982 issues but we did continue with the 1970's issues with 1977 and I expect as we get into the the New Year there will be issues from 1970-72 and 1975-76 which I will be buying.

Part of is tactile and nostalgia based, handling and lowering the stylus brings back the memories of playing the compilations of the day the is the music itself which I love listening to.

We did get away rather more than the previous year sometimes for a weekend, other times for a good few days for clean non kink connected fun just being your younger self, playing games, going out places and given we look after our food connected needs, helping out.

Plans are afoot to go away for the first quarter of the year and tentative ideas are being mooted for weekends too which should be fun.

Comics play a part too from the Beano to modern offerings such the Phoenix with more modern characters as do colouring books when the hands are up to it, getting absorbed in something relaxing either at home or away.

The 2023 Review

As I type this I'll attempt to do a mini review of the year but today I'm feeling proper pawley, wasn't up around the usual time and running on just one cylinder.

 Last year had not started well well with Mom and I having really bad covid before she started to get extremely ill and I started going off my feet, being virtually unable to walk far and not at all using the stairs in this two storey property just that between two hospital visits I needed to attend to her being mainly bed-bound.

Unfortunately ten days after admittance for the second time she died from complications from Covid on some of her pre-existing conditions such as those affecting breathing although looking back there had been some signs of issues with memory retention and coping with varying temperatures for a few months before as we went through a spate of cancelled hairdressers appointments as things weren't just right for her to be out and she needed to reminded about anything involving longish sequencing

Much of the early part of the year was dominated by the impact of that.and the practicalities of arranging the funeral, dealing with effects not being helped by the poor communication between siblings and trouble making, me-me-me tendencies of one in particular.

We did eventually get all of that sorted albeit with frayed tempers and high levels of anxiety.

Some of the impact of that showed as with issues around numbers at Camp I wasn't able to go in the Winter although it would of helped a fair bit, when I did get to the GHS Easter event around April frankly I just wasn't there.

I'd emotionally shut down not been helped by the physical exhaustion that had left me too gone to even have a last moment with Mom.

As things had moved on I slowly started to recover although some issues with the Grump who was having massive mood swings didn't really help.

I started to see some people I'd know for a number of years here, renewing connections that lead to a few invites for coffee and the odd community based day trip just get a break from things apart from going out exploring which really helped with getting past some of the depression I was going through.

I did get to the first Ikklespace picnic in ages Sammy had laid on which did see things improve with me, being able to contribute more with the group and act more from the fun loving side rather than feeling a sad, lost child.

On the upside, I did redo much of my littles outfits to match more where in my head I am, however others may see it, were more of an emphasize on quality sometimes more tradition, other stuff more what modern school girls wear such as in sports wear.

I'm less interested in exact replication of a period so much as just being the little side of me taking the  benefits of the modern era, more in tune with the spirit of modern co-ed prep schools with the mix of ancient and modernity.

Not everything of the past was great although much is worth keeping if not defending.

Some of that was visible when much against the odds and with a bit of work from Jennifer and Katie I did actually get to Summer Camp where I felt the most relaxed for a long time just getting along with play, having fun and helping out a bit.

Eventually some of the clothes I'd bought for Winter 2022 camp actually got worn as some of the changes I had been going through over the last few years finally came together even if they may not be what some might as above all I just need to be me and not someone elses idea of what  littles is.

I continued to enjoy the women's soccer and their young following seeing girls going to the park for a kickabout tearing up the old gender divides.

I don't feel inclined to play by the rules of the past anymore than today's girls and that runs beyond groan up talk to littles life.

I hold with inclusiveness for all, girls and boys of all shades and tastes not being told what a girl should be or do either in the Big or Little worlds.

That's my take on this thing as show not just at Camp but the Halloween party from start to finish which I quite enjoyed not just with littles activities but socially too.

We did get Christmas sorted here and it worked well enough which is all that matters even if of course some things could never be the same.

This year has been very challenging and some and while obviously somethings cannot be the same and anniversaries are likely to bring back memories, I do feel I'm moving on, getting my life back being the eternal little I am.

New Year entry

The year was different to what was anticipated because just a few weeks in, I became seriously ill for several weeks missing much both at home and Winter Camp which had the unfortunate consequence of not being able to register an interest in the usual fashion for either this year so much of what normally happen this year is off.

That spell of misfortune is seeing the year out with "fake" Covid - most of symptoms but but no positive plus very bad flu being more on drinks and bed rest  outside of typing this up as it don't do itself.

On the upside, I did redo much of my littles outfits to match more where in my head I am, however others may see it, were more of an emphasize on quality sometimes more tradition, other stuff more what modern school girls wear such as in sports wear.

I'm less interested in exact replication of a period so much as just being the little side of me taking the benefits of the modern era, more in tune with the spirit of modern co-ed prep schools with the mix of ancient and modernity.

Not everything of the past was great although much is worth keeping if not defending.

Women's soccer came of age, the Lionesses won the cup, inspiring a generation of girls who we all knew wanted to play but never got the breaks thanks to gender bias and overt discrimination not just by adults but boys too in the past.

I don't feel inclined to play by the rules of the past anymore than today's girls and that runs beyond groan up talk to littles life. 

What's wrong with inclusivity for all, girls and boys of all shades and tastes?

I did get a whole bunch of cds and records as recording performers became more possible after covid restrictions were gone and performances could take place in studios and concert halls and literally shrunk a bunch of cds with some space saving storage wallets from a company in Telford, Shropshire.

Hopefully a few meet ups of a different sort will be achievable across the year so long as the industrial unrest resolves itself as train travel is very difficult currently, that would go some way towards keeping face to face contact until the bigger meets become an option again.

Here's hoping twenty twenty-three may be better than it looks presently.

New Year thoughts

As I sit here typing my minds thoughts move toward what I and this blog have been doing and what we are so looking forward to from this New Year onward and I think I know how I'll begin this even if only directly applies to a section of my followers.
The life we lead as age regressors matters more than the labels, their definitions and what different groups may think of what words we use to describe this thing we do and what by extension a good portion of this blog talked about last year.
It's what you do for real that actually matters such as the various meet ups I attended out there in the real world and wrote about doing things together, forming friendships, exploring for yourself  what in age regression it is you love and having found out what you don't, respecting your friends who have different likes.
It's also the things you may do on your own  or share less in real space but in cyber-space because they feel right for you and no one online community such as on Tumblr owns you very own regression. Indeed the most they can say is 'don't post about this and this' in a community you've chosen to join with their name and tags on.
I dislike discourse with a passion but there have been some occasions last year on here I've just needed to say a few things because I firmly believe some of that drama we see in age regression on Tumblr is causing harm to those who do regress due to trauma and other conditions and disabilities.
Getting that out of the way, another good thing is to spend as much time outdoors as you can switching off from the online world and allowing yourself to be in the moment with nature whither or not you walk as I have started to do more of, learning to reflect and take comfort from the everyday stuff of life. It's not just mental resilience and healing it will help either but overall wellness even if you face heath or disability related limitations.
One thing I do write about here is things like colouring which can help with de-stressing and improving your co-ordination skills which if they are like mine, poor and with reading which can cover things around the age range you regress to for sheer enjoyment or if you like me you struggle with reading by carefully selecting more upper junior fiction that stretches your vocabulary help in learning to read more for information and picking more the feeling of characters in those stories. The books I wrote about last year fitted that definition to a tee.
You for me it'll be that I'll be doing this New Year, sharing it with you all here and for some fortunate folks even under the same roof together.
Happy New Year!

New Year Edition

Seeing it is the very start of the New Year and that it's customary on this blog to take a bit of time to look at the previous year and what it is we feel the New  Year will be bringing.
I think the word that best fits how I experienced this last year is deeply because simply everything just feels to me that it can never really be the same for all of those experiences, the good and frankly the emotionally draining and heartbreaking.
For one thing, everything I experienced emotionally has has left a very deep impression on me from learning which people matters the most to me in my life and what my real needs are in so many ways.
2015 as I envisioned it was just going to be a run on of 2014 as by that years end I had an idea of what a 'little' I was, the sorts of things that did interest me and to a point how in terms of presentation I presented both at home and when at various meets.
The big change when it comes to presentation was I moved very much into wearing tunics (okay Brits, Gymslips) / school pinafore dresses and 'proper' gym knickers near enough all of the time apart from my summer gingham school dress and pleated green and grey skirts.
They not only are so me but also pretty well define me as the middle I am.
This year gone, we only had one LG Camp here in the UK which I think it is fair to say is a highlight for those of us who usually attend simply because it gives us that space to express that 'forever a kid' side of us in an accepting environment  and critically where we can take part in shared activities that help us all express and explore that side of who we are and from where for us as individuals it is coming from.
There did seem in view of this to be a concerted attempt by various individuals to arrange for other events or to join in existing events outside of our own group to both fill the void and to explore maybe also bring in others too this side of us be it NGP, one off days out or just meeting up with a few friends for a day .
A good number of us did make the Ikklespace Picnic, the 'it sort of happens' event Sammy gets people involved where we did meet a few more people, had a laugh and joke while playing in the open countryside which as it was the first time I'd made it really enjoyed.
I spend some enjoyable days with Andi, Jennifer and Susan here in the West Midlands having fun, socializing and exploring the local rail network getting about letting my small side out playing with dolls, teddies and colouring to my hearts content.
Then there was (translation:wuz) the GHS bonfire get together which brought a few people who I hadn't seen for a bit together and where in view of how some us were feeling regarding other events, play really was needed so we played and hung out together which made me feel very much 'little' like a group of children just having fun together.
Lillian's departure stopped most of us in our tracks, caused a number of us to consider just how much we knew about how one another really felt, the gifts we all have and what it means to care deeply about someone. I really cannot thank the people outside the group at FA enough for just being around listening and caring not just for myself but for several of us in membership there because it was what we needed so badly.
I haven't felt so truly close to some people for well decades even as I do now, being able to let them in emotionally nor to have and continue to feel supported and loved. It also reminded me of how it is in online communities although everyone may be deemed to be a friend, really they are not-they're acquaintances we spend time together but do not know so much of one another nor form the emotional bonds that lead to caring and being cared for.
In 2015 I know I am cared for and  I know I can reach out and care for others.
I encountered across the year a number of people in places and contexts that I would not of ordinarily expected, indeed if I was to draw a timeline showing significant encounters and discoveries on my 'like a kid' life we'd have the mid 2000's, finding online bulletin boards and early hosted blogs (on GeoCities et al), 2011 and GirlTalk and G.I and communities on Tumblr for 2015.
One chance encounter, several PM's and a few mutual friends lead to some interesting exchanges about what it means to be a 'Little' and where in the scheme of it you fit in and it in this that I realized what best described how I felt was more "a Middle with a little side" because while certain interests and behavioural aspects were more typically 'Middle' there were chunks not least on my emotional side that have more in common with stereo typical 'littles' chunks stemming from my many disabilities that have limited my development in everyday terms.
For me then, the 'Middle with a little side' is less of role play you drop into so much it's just a label that gets me in settings that better suit my real life needs, being effectively an adult child at many levels (I'm just not up to Adult responsibility developmentally).
The other related side to this is I have extra help and input now from people who provide the   kind of loving care, support and structured environment that also is quite strict to help me be more productive and adopt better habits as that Middle. I also have to wear my uniform.
This involves by mutual agreement my acceptance of their authority, working through issues and the acceptance of any traditional emotional age child-like discipline by me as needed  to help change those habits, attitudes and behaviours although the constant support and guidance is the most important thing.
This was one the most important things to happen in my life last year even if it isn't something everyone would go with simply because I am doing so much better for having that guidance and structure in place.
I have adapted to the imposition of that strict discipline well, making the transitions I need to become more mature in a 'as good as a middle way' I can. I honestly believe  it was something I badly needed in my life and it will continue to feature in the New Year.
An unexpected side effect from those changes is that I do feel very much middle/little in my headspace, where at one time I may of presented as a Middle and perhaps played a bit in good number of ways I'd of still of been thinking more so-called adult role (for me it's more impersonation than actually having much of an adult sense of self), I felt that much younger, not having adult authority turning off my natural instincts to play together for want of being at least in on groan up small talk. 
I feel smaller, more overtly child-like relating more to the groan ups as that child, accepting their authority where they need to take control  as I do little stuff with other littles and I like that feeling heaps.
The other side of the coin is where as coming to the end 2014 chunks of me felt more like an an adult who wasn't in control of their emotions, getting into scrapes lashing out, not thinking through,  being allowed (or enabled) to do pretty much what I liked regardless, the end of 2015 has left me more as a growing up Middle, knowing my limits but getting to grips with personal responsibility, exercising initiative, respecting elders and authority while accepting that authority to look after me where I have vulnerabilities I cannot met just by myself.
Being at the point of coming to terms with how your life has left you, its restrictions and how the differences between yours and 'the many' need to be handled is the destination I have arrived at. I've made my peace with it.


 

365 days in the life of "The world of Joanne-chan"

As we're approaching the end of the old year and the beginning of the new people often think about what happened to them and how that compared to their expectations as well as their dreams for the future.
One thing I hadn't expected this year was to be at a point in my life when I could be open with a goodly number of people about being an adult little girl, sharing with them all that this means to me and what as a community we are all about while at the same time dispelling some of the misinformation shows like the Jeremy Kyle show put out.
Equally I had not expected to have influenced some to have seen that within themselves which isn't to say they're clones of me bit by bit - identical - but they have been able to embrace it, finding a sense of inner peace.
If dear readers you fall in one or both of those categories then  I'd like to thank you all for reading this blog and being understanding on certain forums and social networks for that has help shape this years blog entries.
I've enjoyed being with those of you who are furries, leaning more about your fursonas, mets, amazing digital art skills, learning to share space with you on your sites as well as in chat.
Things around health have been at the core of my offline life from the severe reaction I had to a gnat bite that was super scary to being found so unable to work I was able to leave employment that had the effect of enabling me to spend more time as me although I do work when I'm not pawley voluntarily for a few hours helping out. I so hope not to have such a bite this coming year.
I've been enjoying reading a lot this year having found books I can read without major difficulties, chatting to people about them and even taking part in a bookathon where you read and discuss over a short period a book as a group which was rather fun.
I've talked about on forums and in chat with you about music in ways that just wouldn't of been as fun had they'd of happened in the sorts of places where groan up obsessives tend hang out.
What of this upcoming year? Well I do wanna get out more - out of the front door- visiting places, having fun times in my own little way.
Regarding this blog, I've already a few ideas for the next blog entries which will be that bit different than previous ones, raising the bar of this blog, widening the appeal.
I'll end by thanking everyone for reading this blog, the conversations we've had on various sites and wish you all a very happy New Year.

The New Year 2012 Edition

I usually write an entry on sites and what not around this time of year as kind of reflection on the years events and maybe some clues about where I think I or the site may be headed.
I'm not much good with worms(!) but 353 days ago something pretty big happened and by around 340 days ago the very thing you are reading right now came live.


The scene was "The Meadow" where after a period where other kinds of places just weren't giving me what I wanted, a chance encounter with Prissie gave an hint of a place where I girl like me might belong getting more out of it from where I had been.


It wasn't like a good many places entirely visable for some very good reasons but in the end I placed my trust in Prissie's description, signing up and plucking up enough courage to tell everyone a little bit about what makes me, well me.


That was when I started to learn something about you dear reader as you welcomed me to "The Meadow" around what sort of girl you are, your fashion tastes, interests and so on.


Some of you were using words I wasn't familar with and I guess you weren't familar with mine as B.C to me means a Province in Western Canada not a part of the English Midlands!
It soon became apparent I needed to tell you more about me than a series of jottings ever could and so asked around and looked at some of your sites and having seen LittleKarenMaries place it came to me what this site could be about, not just a all about me site but also a site that shared the LG spirit with readers.


In time this lead to the mention of UK Chat and Sammy who hosts it, which added another dimension because not only was I learning more about you, we were interacting in real time as LG's (apart from a certain Squirrel and a few LB's!) where I'm nearly always dressed in my take of LG cos we're all a bit different.


I described on site the experience of encountering you all as one of the bests gifts I've ever had and I meant it because you all have helped me in ways you may not of realized to freely express my LG self both on line and in everyday life that has made me so happy this year even through the Pawley(tm) days.


So thanks Fellow Meadow people, readers of Sparkle and also thanks to Sammy for IK plus IK Chat and the christmas colouring drawings.
Love Joanne.
P.s. stay tuned folks!