The 2023 Review

As I type this I'll attempt to do a mini review of the year but today I'm feeling proper pawley, wasn't up around the usual time and running on just one cylinder.

 Last year had not started well well with Mom and I having really bad covid before she started to get extremely ill and I started going off my feet, being virtually unable to walk far and not at all using the stairs in this two storey property just that between two hospital visits I needed to attend to her being mainly bed-bound.

Unfortunately ten days after admittance for the second time she died from complications from Covid on some of her pre-existing conditions such as those affecting breathing although looking back there had been some signs of issues with memory retention and coping with varying temperatures for a few months before as we went through a spate of cancelled hairdressers appointments as things weren't just right for her to be out and she needed to reminded about anything involving longish sequencing

Much of the early part of the year was dominated by the impact of that.and the practicalities of arranging the funeral, dealing with effects not being helped by the poor communication between siblings and trouble making, me-me-me tendencies of one in particular.

We did eventually get all of that sorted albeit with frayed tempers and high levels of anxiety.

Some of the impact of that showed as with issues around numbers at Camp I wasn't able to go in the Winter although it would of helped a fair bit, when I did get to the GHS Easter event around April frankly I just wasn't there.

I'd emotionally shut down not been helped by the physical exhaustion that had left me too gone to even have a last moment with Mom.

As things had moved on I slowly started to recover although some issues with the Grump who was having massive mood swings didn't really help.

I started to see some people I'd know for a number of years here, renewing connections that lead to a few invites for coffee and the odd community based day trip just get a break from things apart from going out exploring which really helped with getting past some of the depression I was going through.

I did get to the first Ikklespace picnic in ages Sammy had laid on which did see things improve with me, being able to contribute more with the group and act more from the fun loving side rather than feeling a sad, lost child.

On the upside, I did redo much of my littles outfits to match more where in my head I am, however others may see it, were more of an emphasize on quality sometimes more tradition, other stuff more what modern school girls wear such as in sports wear.

I'm less interested in exact replication of a period so much as just being the little side of me taking the  benefits of the modern era, more in tune with the spirit of modern co-ed prep schools with the mix of ancient and modernity.

Not everything of the past was great although much is worth keeping if not defending.

Some of that was visible when much against the odds and with a bit of work from Jennifer and Katie I did actually get to Summer Camp where I felt the most relaxed for a long time just getting along with play, having fun and helping out a bit.

Eventually some of the clothes I'd bought for Winter 2022 camp actually got worn as some of the changes I had been going through over the last few years finally came together even if they may not be what some might as above all I just need to be me and not someone elses idea of what  littles is.

I continued to enjoy the women's soccer and their young following seeing girls going to the park for a kickabout tearing up the old gender divides.

I don't feel inclined to play by the rules of the past anymore than today's girls and that runs beyond groan up talk to littles life.

I hold with inclusiveness for all, girls and boys of all shades and tastes not being told what a girl should be or do either in the Big or Little worlds.

That's my take on this thing as show not just at Camp but the Halloween party from start to finish which I quite enjoyed not just with littles activities but socially too.

We did get Christmas sorted here and it worked well enough which is all that matters even if of course some things could never be the same.

This year has been very challenging and some and while obviously somethings cannot be the same and anniversaries are likely to bring back memories, I do feel I'm moving on, getting my life back being the eternal little I am.