Autumn term 1981 [Pre-blog]

Another start to the school year and I still so want to be attending like this

Playing in the girls team, up to no good seeing what the boys are up to

But anyway I'll have make do with what we can get away with again and ever since the Royal Wedding of Charles and Diana I've been so excited reading and looking at all the pictures.

This year I do Economics in school which should prove interesting although I'm a bit worried as my Math is not very good.

I'm enjoying the new English New wave music a lot - that whole scene's buzzing right now with it's colourful sounds and fashions - and I like the Birmingham band Duran Duran who release a new 45 back there this week called Girls On Film from their first album. Their videos are really amazing like mini movies and we're all talking about them during recess

Epic fail [Pre-blog]

Today it's Friday and I've gotten Double Geography for periods four and five before lunch and on Monday we were set homework nothing too taxing just writing out a bout three pages and drawing a map ready for today's lesson.
The lesson goes well to start with but we are referring to this work and I haven't done it. This would not of been so bad other for the fact I'm on demotions for not paying attention, not completing previous assignments plus this teacher is very strict.
She notices I haven't done it so  smacks me in front of the class for it followed by having to do chores at the end of the lesson like carry her stuff so I'm late for lunch which when lunches are cook means the choice is limited and may not be warm.
It's so silly of me cos I knew it had to be done and effectively I've asked for it this time.
The only consolation  is she won't write to my folks.

Shocking return to school [Pre-blog]

Today we return to school and I'm beyond sad.
It all began toward the end of last year when a friend of mine started to feel poorly most of the time from a condition he's had for most of his entire life, we'd been to the store to buy some Christmas  stuff (I'd bought a Beatles cassette) and I'd noticed he's feeling more tired and cannot stand being out in the rain.
Well today I'm told he's dead having died over Christmas. Dead at 16! What kind of an age is this to die??? It's the second kid I can remember dying since I've been at this school so it's bring it all back as I'm in a daze and one of the girls, bless her hugs me as we wait  in line outside the English room door this afternoon as I stand there crying.
It's at times like this my feeling a girl trapped in a boys body hurts so much cos people misread you emotionally going for the strong macho stuff. One day all that will be over and I'll be dressed like this

School girl proud to be the person I am on the inside.

Beach Boys [Pre-blog]

Christmas has been and gone this year but one thing I had was this special 6 lp box set entitled "The Capitol Years" to replace a couple of compilation albums by the popular American group, the Beach Boys that I wasn't too happy with.
I grew up with taped albums of theirs plus when I was younger I had a couple of compilations bought for me which I played on a home made stereo phonograph. Today I have a second hand stereo separates set to enjoy my music on.

For one thing the selection is quite generous with 104 tracks covering hits, a number of hard to find single versions and their b sides plus prime slices from the studio lps covering the years 1962 through 1970 when they were signed to Capitol Records, arranged into 6 themes with each lp jacket making a jigsaw like picture.

It was issued in November by World Records  a part of the EMI organization, and came with a bonus lp of productions that their singer and group leader, Brian Wilson produced for others such as the girl group The Honeys and the first Glen Campbell 45 which are otherwise hard to find today.
Although a number of tracks appear in fake stereo, perhaps because they couldn't find the mono originals, most of tracks are in either true stereo or mono which makes a pleasant change as this spoilt the 20 Golden Greats compilation I bought  four years ago and the singles versions of Be True To Your School and Help Me Rhonda are featured which spoilt 1974's Endless Summer double compilation.

What if.... [Pre-blog]

I often think about how I would feel if I were to present as a girl as I'm tired on days like today when we're going out to places and I want to be me.

You see this feeling has been with me from my earliest days from the minute I realized people were treating me different from the group of children  I felt I belonged with because they said I was a boy even though the way I think and physically I aren't the same as them.
To me when I was seven, all of that and the betweeness to me wasn't a reason  not to wear not even "to be put into" even a dress cos psychologically speaking that is appropriate for my gender and my life is more determined by that anything physically.
This was the dress I so wanted my parents to put me in so I could blend in my my girl peers

exploring some relevant things around gender  presentation such as how it might feel to be seen as a girl when they've never seen you as such, how you show female presence in your new gender and so on.
Internally I am so done with  "don't be silly, you're a boy".

The LB years [Pre-blog]

The story of my life as explained in the main blog is complicated through being raised as a boy as much as I didn't personally see myself as one although it also is true to say for what I now understand as regression did originally start out in my teens based on boy schoolwear.

For example unlike most of my peers I stayed in formal short trousers well past the age of 11 and was even wearing them by choice at home when I was 16 because I associated them with being safe and the fun I had when I was younger.In short, I wanted to be little before I know what it was.
It also showed in wearing grey boys school socks in preference to mens (grr) over any kind of trousers.

This would continue until I started to move over to more female based mode even if some parts of my outward presentation were more boyish. In some respects at least I could be seen as being more tomboyish rather like "George" in the Famous Five stories who really was a girl.
Of course what I'd of rather of had was everything in school and for my childhood like the child on the left here:

Even if I was dressed more like the one on the right.
Across the 80's this changed as I found more around the topic of gender, cross-dressing  and transsexualism from the media and also from reading around it in libraries to the point I wrote of as you did back then to Post Office addresses  for fact sheets with contact details.
Postcript:  What started out as LB moved to LG where it remains today

A slight matter of correction [Pre-blog]

Recently Mommy asked me what I wanted to happen to me if I was being naughty. I think what's brought this to a head is she doesn't know what to do with me anymore, as some kids my age get 'grounded' but where we live it's miles from anywhere so it's not that I actually go anywhere much without family and they don't feel they can leave me by myself. I don't have much of an allowance that can be withheld without them paying for things I need.

I informed her I'd be happy to continue being spanked and I really can't be doing with long arguments preferring everything over and done with.
We have a chair in my room where it happens.

And although it hurts I'm happy with  being spanked in my teens.