Background capsule

I usually have a reason for  posting things even though I'd be the first to admit I don't always have an idea of what's going up until I'm sat here typing away.
I suppose today I've been thinking back to my past and how this whole topsy turvy life of mine started off and this is perhaps the best link I can give to it in that I knew around 4 to 5 years of age I really objected to that reflection of me in the mirror cos I knew I wasn't a boy.
People write books study to degree levels in gender studies and all with grand theories but I prefer to cut to the chase: If you don't feel plus you don't connect with your social gender and loath how you look wanting to curl up and and die first then you're trans, period.
The world in my head wasn't a million miles removed from that picture, the plushies, the dolls and above all that dress although I think there's nothing wrong with wearing pants or shorts either as it's about the how rather than if.
That whole hands on hips pose and the lovely print is very much me at the core  (I'd of loved to worn it) and maybe that's what troubled some people who think it's their job to police the gender divide.
And that was it with the little side of me still loving the same things today as then pretty much so you see it's not like there's just one side of me, a side people get wrong often thinking it's all about a gender change rooted say nostalgia or having the childhood you didn't have. It's always been with me as apart of the trans side with the older in some ways more grown up side both female and intertwined with each other. We're one whole person just like my friends who are natul who also have a smaller side.
A dialogue between the two sides: LG=Little Girl, BG Big Girl/Adult
BG: Hi. Who are you?
LG: You know I who I am. I'm your younger side
BG: How old are you?
LG: I'm 12 thank you.
BG: Where did you go?
LG: You packed me away in the toy box with my teddies.
BG I did?
LG: You did cos Mommy wasn't happy with me around.She banished me and it hurts.
BG: I'm sorry.She had these issues.
LG: I want to come out to play but is safe now?
BG: If you came out to play what would happen to me? I keep you safe.
LG: Are you happy?
BG: No, I'm sad. I'd much sooner play.
LG Why do you want to be around? Can't you just look out for me  instead while I play?
BG: If I played, I'd be you.
LG: That make you happy?
BG: Yes.
LG:  Is this a deal. You just do big looking out not upsetting the grown ups.
BG: Yes! Let's make it our pact.
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