Sunday, December 20, 2015
I mentioned a short while back at various places we were approaching the 600th post of this blog which by coincidence was just over a year and a week back and I was thinking about doing something a bit special.
Well other things intervened altering the posts between as well as the frequency a bit for good measure not least being very unwell recently and during that period I thought about some of things and people that matter the most to me.
The first thing is there's a person who I've only known for a few years and due to distance I only see from time to time who in their own way has been such a inspiration and source of reassurance at times even though they themselves have had their own difficulties some of which we do have in common.
They've encouraged me to be more open about myself, who I am, what interests me with other people, to feel comfortable doing arts stuff like drawing which I've always had hang ups with just for the fun of it and above all just accepts me as I am.
The year has been hard for us both following the death of our (and probably for a good number of you, yours too) close friend where we've both been supporting each other and both of us have been supported by others which has been a great source of comfort.
You're a star.
Then there are other people such as those that have given me a home from home where I can just relax with my mind free from some of the stuff that gets on top of me here, enjoying a meal and like minded company together.
Which if on it's own is something I'd be thankful for but you go much further than that, you look after me, not in a super fussy way but more an observing the scene and responding way, knowing that if I'm giving signs of been tired (and I tire easy) you'll get me to where I need to be, bed, in suitably child-like way that leaves me feeling relaxed and very little.
Then there people who help me deal with some of baggage from the past because a number of my responses to situations has tripped me up, not just say from not doing something important but also making it harder for me fit in cos I do things that can conflict with everyday norms, a good number of which I never really learned and was never expected to take any account of.
Sometimes because of some very bad encounters I had, I'd disengage first to avoid situations that had distressed me rather than mastering them.
Instead you've had higher expectations starting from the outset that I was to at least try to do what everyone else was expected to even if I needed a close eye on me and when I didn't you were prepared to follow through with appropriate child-like discipline to help me change.
A lot of people in a way gave up on me thinking I couldn't be given a second shot at getting this right but they didn't. Rather than feeling I could only mess up, they helped me replace it with a feeling I could get it right and if I messed up once, the by learning the right lesson, I get it right the next time.
For once I started to begin to look forward to social encounters knowing I'd be helped by firm, loving and caring people to handle them so I could enjoy my time with people more (and hopefully they'd feel the same).
And that does wonders for my self confidence.
In so many ways then these things are the things that matter and have mattered so much to me over the last 100 odd posts here, the gifts that are priceless and to whom I am most thankful for.